A open letter to Miss Paris Hilton

Hi Paris.
As usual, I see you’re doing a splendid job in keeping the Hilton illustrious name to the forefront of the papers. I’m sure they appreciate your efforts.

Don't let it get you down, you've done worst in the past and you've got away with it. I see no reason why your lawyers shouldn’t get you off outrageously again
Breaking probation is not a particularly serious offence, not as if getting caught taking drugs or being convicted of doing pornographic videos.
However, I can't help thinking this is just a another publicity stunt.

They finally smacked spoilt brat Naomi Campbell’s bottom, by making her sweep out the toilet, and scrubbing floors on her hands and knees, Unfortunately it was only for a week, hopefully they will have the guts to prosecute her again for drug taking and do it more forcefully,
We know you don't like being up-staged by anybody. But this is a little bizarre even for you.

Feeling a little fed up that nobody understands you. Coming up to 30, your recording contract not doing well and now possibly you're going to do “Time”.

However, if your lawyers can't use your notoriety and money to get you off this time, a spell banged up behind bars won't do you any harm.
It will just make as you always said you wanted to be, a “regular citizen”. The courts would have no difficulty in putting “Jane Doe” in a prison for breaking her probation. Why not you.

Terrified and scared of being locked up
Don’t to give it a thought: the inmates will give you all the respect you deserve. Who knows you might pick up some new ideas for a follow on pornographic video, the "Nigger " (your words not mine) ladies in there are good at teaching humility. Are you good at learning it? I hope so, as they can be a very, very pushy

However how do you top a spell in prison?
You can only really add to your high reputation by committing adultery but for that you have to be married. But that is small fry to a well-known celebrity like you. Just talk to Brittany Spears
Come the 4th of May. Please, Please, let them send you down for at least six months and then possibly you might have something significant to contribute.


A well-wisher

PS. You're recording companies website says that you have no personal appearances planned. Wrong, you will be appearing in court

Paris has absolutely no idea of what jail is like; she is frightened of a Media's conception of jail.
And as usual, that conception is way, way out. The first thing most people comment on when committed to prison, is the complete indifferent to anybody’s suffering. You go to prison to be miserable
Unfortunately for her, they will treat the little minx as a common criminal not a celebrity
While the Prison officers have my respect, they have very unpleasant job to do, I suspect they will have no high regard for the likes of Miss P Hilton.
Their job not to just to lock up, but also making sure her time in prison is as unpleasant as possible.
There will be no adoring fans, just hard-hearted screws who will make sure she does as she told. And does it promptly otherwise they will intentionally make her life even more miserable

A strip search when she was partying, she would most likely enjoy. One done in a cold room by a insensitive prison warder she will find slightly more disagreeable.
And as associating with suspected drug users, they will be under a obligation to search all her crannies extremely well.

Then it’s into the latest fashion of convicted prisoners fashion wear, and if she gets to the prison in time, a high class meal while being introduced to her fellow inmates.
If not, she will go on a diet until next morning. However, she will still have to carry her own belongings from the booking in office to her cell.
I'm sure inmates will give her all the respect that is due to her, and enjoy initiating her into the slightly more erotic and unsophisticated side of prison life.

While they most probably won’t actually physical attack her, they will enjoy making her life slightly jollier, by practicing practical jokes, like spitting or much worse in her food. Or leaving things in her nice little presence in her bunk bed. They will most probably compete with each other to be the first to make her whimper and blubber

Hopefully when she is banged up in her cell at night she will find the people she is sharing with empathize with her otherwise she is liable to have her hair washed in the collective lavatory bowl.
Not sure about U.S. practices in the U.K. its three females in a cell one toilet, no curtain

With her remarks, about Negresses and faggots well documented. I'm sure the colored ladies and lesbian would like to put their point of view, most probably forcibly.

No, it reported that Miss Hilton is scared. In her shoes, I would be absolutely petrified.
She says she is worried she will lose her fan base. What she would be better panicking about is attracting attention from any inmate who wants to show real appreciation of her privileged lifestyle.

Hopefully mingling with the mingling with the unwashed masses, will teach her a little graciousness Otherwise what the little Madam will find, is that the sentence she gets from the judge will be quadrupled by the inmates